GooGoo for Gaga

I tried to count the number of things Lady Gaga and I have in common, and I came to a total of -4. Yes, somehow, I came out on the negative side of this, however my crotch is never on display for the entire world to see, so I am feeling pretty good about that number.

After all is said and done, though, Gaga exudes a confidence that is rarely seen, EVER. Granted most people don't walk around with orbs and metallic rods sticking out of their clothing, or outfits made of slabs of meat, but Gaga makes it work. Now, suffice it to say that Gaga's outfits are in no way, shape or form even close to work appropriate (so please don't try it!), but we can all take a cue or two from the Lady.

You should know that I'm writing this post now, because after days and weeks of consuming seemingly endless holiday foods, I think we can ALL use a little pick me up in the confidence department. P.S. You're not fat. Those holiday pounds will come off. (Just smile and nod with me here, and at least pretend that you believe me.)

There is nothing more fashionable and good looking on a person than their confidence. No matter what you wear (frummie approved, or not) you want to own what you're wearing. I'm not advocating buying a bra with guns coming out of your own Lady Gagas ala the Alejandro music video, but I am saying you should strut it like you're Naomi Campbell with a cell phone in hand; in other words...be fierce (just don't assault anybody, k?)

As my friend Bracha told me (holla!), nothing is sexier on a woman than the attitude she carries. Sometimes we get lost in what we wear (especially for all of you with kids out there. It's ok to wear the shmata clothing in the house, but once you step outside you are a person, so remember to dress for yourself too, not just the spit up).

We even see it in the community. How many of you out there honestly dress for you, and not the the way you are told to dress. If you have learned anything from me, let it be that you can be you and be tzniut at the same time.

As far as the workplace is concerned, going to the office should be as much about who you are and what you want to present to your coworkers. What you wear does not just revolve around appearances, but it translates into attitude, be it attitude of Gaga magnitude or not.

Ok, so you are probably asking yourself, how do I take the Lady's confidence, and work it? It all depends on how you carry yourself; surefire tip: if you love how you feel in it, the more confident you'll be! If you're constantly paranoid about how you look, you're just not that confident, so shape up, missy!

There is only so much I can tell you, but at the end of the day, your confidence is up to you. Remember, though, it's always safe to start with a really killer outfit...one that will make everyone go simply, Gaga.

D

Hello Boys

Ladies…and gentlemen. Yes, that’s right! It’s been high in demand, and now my testosterone filled, Y chromosome-carrying, remote control-hogging, football loving, guy friends can now have a taste of the fashion advice that so often eludes them. 

You will learn to follow my guru ways because of one reason, and one reason only...I have taste. Most of you men do not. It’s just a fact. I hate to break your stone-cold little hearts, but if you’re going to wear khaki cargo pants, it BETTER not be to the office, and it better be when you are a 9^th grader in high-school. Either that, or to some casual venue of some sort, like a Yankee game—this way you can hold my wallet, my phone, my camera, my iPod, my hair brush and my lip gloss in your pockets. After all, Mark Teixeria WILL be looking for me in the stands, and I would really rather be wearing lip gloss when he does.

The one thing that bothers me about men’s fashion is that it is so painfully EASY, that it boggles my mind how you boys just cannot get it. Yes t-shirts are comfortable…to sleep in; to play sports in; to hike in; to go on a date in? No. To go to a party in? No.

I fear with you boys, we must start at the basics, so for today let’s just start with what not to wear. We can always focus on the stuff you should do on another day.

1.  If it has holes in it, give it to your gal of choice to wear to sleep; otherwise it’s nothing but trash…much like those dirty magazines under your bed, as well as the women in them, but that’s a totally different story for a very non-Kosher blog. 
2.  If it hasn’t been washed in more than a week, then first of all, ew. Second of all, Machine. Wash. Cold. Learn it. Love it.
3. Yes, stains do go in the “should –I-wash-this?” category.
4. If it’s brown and black, please don’t, k? The same goes for navy.  I’m talking dark brown and navy here, and yes that includes socks. We’re women…we notice EVERYTHING.
5. There is nothing wrong with a guy wearing pink, but if it’s the color of a little girl’s tricycle, you may want to consider a lot of other really masculine pieces to go with it. And maybe grunt every few minutes or so, just for assurance purposes.
6. Remember those tube socks? They are the female equivalent of a ‘scrunchie’, and they died in 1980 and are now used solely for ‘do-not-disturb’ signs on college dorm-room doorknobs across the country. You really want that on your feet? Yes, Dad, I’m talking to you.
7. Speaking of socks, do not wear socks with sandals. Ever.
8. Speaking of sandals, do not wear sandals in the winter. Unless you’re in the Caribbean, in which case, can I go with you? I promise to bring my own t-shirt with holes in it (a common misconception, but yes, girls have them too--we just don’t wear them in public).
9. Three piece suit? Sexy. Pants that don’t reach the ankle? Not sexy.
10. Finally, I grew up with four brothers, and their excuse was always, “But I’m color blind!”. It’s like the number one excuse for you dudes; we KNOW you’re not actually color blind, you’re really just doofuses, who need to learn that red and green is NOT a solid color combination. Not even for Jews on Christmas. For every time you men say that you’re color blind, we women get to say “Do I look fat in this?”. Is that a deal?

Good, now if you boys have any questions whatsoever, please don’t hesitate to ask. I only say this for your own good. That, and if I am going to be seen out in public with you, it’s best you look your best. I’m too pretty to be out in public with a guy wearing a red and green shirt with holes in it, and stains on it, with black pants and navy socks with sandals. Till next time, gentlemen. Ladies, you’re welcome.

D

I Am Fashionista, Hear Me Roar...Or Double Click. Either Way.

OK, because I love you so much I decided to pull some great pieces from the runway and show you how to do it in your own wardrobe. Granted this is Spring Fashion Week, but there are some great pieces that would work well for fall, so pay attention!

Btw, if there is something you liked from the runway and want me to find a cheaper version of it, feel free to comment. I revel in a good challenge. Tag, you're it!

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Runway:

Peter Som Cardigan

Try this instead:

Forever21 Cardigan

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Runway:

Jason Wu Skirt

Try this instead:

Alfani Ruffled Pencil Skirt

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Runway:

Altuzzara Shirt

Try this instead:

Victoria's Secret Silk Raglan-Sleeve Sweater

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Runway

Ohne Titel Skirt

Try this instead:

Dip-Dyed Gap Skirt

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Runway:

Mulberry Top

Try this instead:

Forever21 Sheer Abstract Top

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Runway:

Peter Jensen Dress

 

Try this instead:

Boden USA Dress

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Runway:

Rebecca Taylor Top

Try this instead:

Urban Outfitters High Collar Shirt

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Runway:

ADAM Sequin Top

Try this:

Forever21 Sequin Top

_____________________________________

Runway:

Cynthia Rowley Skirt

Try this instead:

Boden USA Circle Applique Skirt

_____________________________________

Runway:

Marc Jacobs Top

Try this instead:

Victoria's Secret Silk Top

_____________________________________

You're welcome!

D

Mulberry

I L-O-V-E looking at pretty things (it's why I look in the mirror everyday!), and nothing says pretty quite like Mulberry's new collection. I am currently learning how to say "I Want" in very language in the world, so that should the occasion arise, I can show random people on the street this collection and say "I WANT!"

Ani Rotzah...

Yo Quiero...

Slow and steady wins the race, but I'm getting there Mulberry.

Now, just so you know, Mulberry is doing a handbag line (their signature) for Target, and it's starting October 10, and runs through December 24. God bless the cheap, and God bless Target. You ladies will love some of these bags, and they are PERFECT for the office, so make sure you line up for them!

D

Tory Burch Lovers Rejoice

If there is one designer I know all you frummies out there not only l-o-v-e, but actually wear, it's Tory Burch. I thought you would all be pleased with her new collection as it is extremely frum friendly--score! I'm feeling a trip to the Tory Burch outlet store at Woodbury coming on. Ya, I got that intuition instead of the 'spidey-sense'; although shooting webs out of my wrist would be cool too...and a lot cheaper.

D

Coach Sale Alert!

I am giving you wonderful readers of mine fair warning of the Coach sale event taking place September 17 - September 26. It only happens twice a year, and it's 25% off your entire purchase! You have to be invited through email, so I will do my best to post the coupon for you as soon as I get it. Do you think this counts as tzedakah for the Ten Days of Awe. Hmmmm....

D

Who Are You Costello Tagliapietra, & Why Have We Never Met?

This designer showed at Mercedes Benz Fashion week, and while not all his pieces are to my taste, he is stellar on the frum front. Yasher Koach to you, Mr. Tagliapietra. Some of these dresses are simply fabulous.

 

D