The Frummie Files

Oh, frummies! We are a predictable bunch, aren't we? What do I mean, you ask? Read on.

The following is a top ten list of how you know you're a frummie (an orthodox, Jewish girl), in case you didn't already know. Now, please don't take any offense to this as I myself am a frummie and am a perpetrator of almost every single one these. Almost -- I do not wear kitten heels. Four inch heels all the way--go hard or go home.

While each one of these may not apply to you, odds are if you are reading this blog, at least one or two of these are in your daily routine. Don't even try to pretend. Sometimes you just need to laugh at yourself....I am definitely laughing at you (and me).

Here we go:

1. You have as many pairs of black opaque tights as you do underwear. A true and tried staple of the utmost importance, you wear your black tights proudly and as a true sign of your frumkeit. Because you're cold? No! Because you're looking for a husband? Yes! And believe you me, the darker the tights, the shtarker (more religious) the man.

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2. Fact: Every four out of five headbands that you own has some sort of rhinestone or sequin on it. The fifth headband is undoubtedly a skinny black plastic headband.

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3. Your Gap denim skirt is no longer form-fitting nor pencil, but is now contorted to your body so that when you take it off, the shapes of your legs still manage to maintain form in the skirt. Freaky.

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4. You own more tank tops than any non-frummie southern belle who fries in the Mississippi summer heat , but you can't wear a single one of them without a kiki-riki shell underneath. Irony.

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5. A kitten heel is considered way too high for you. Your flat shoe collection would rival a ballerina's. The flatter the shoe, the shtarker the husband (see number 1).

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6. You secretly want to try a pair of skinny jeans or Jeggings on in the dressing room JUST to see how they look...but you can't. Hashem is watching.

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7. You think the Maccabeats are THE hottest, must-see act to catch. SWOOOOOOON! Don't forget to wear your black tights and black flats to the concert, ladies!

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8. The Jersey Shore. That's where the Syrian Jews go to Deal, right? You would never watch such pritzus (inappropriateness)! Snooki is so trashy... and yet, you still do the headband pouf (you know, where you put a headband in your hair,push it back and then forward so that your hair is raised in the front). Bona fide frummie.

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9. You like color. You think it's pretty...in a rainbow. Black-colored clothing is your best friend. You defy fashion commandments handed down for centuries by pairing black with brown, black with navy, black with anything...just not a color. No, you are not a minimalist, you are a frummie.

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10.Finally, your jewelry collection looks like this: a pair of diamond studs you got for your bat mitzvah, a Hadaya necklace from your year in Israel, a Hadaya bracelet (because you loved the necklace so much, you went back to buy the bracelet two weeks later), a Hadaya ring (you went back to Israel the following year to visit), and lastly, those three gold and diamond bangles (one yellow gold, one rose gold and one white gold). You know I am right.

(On the off chance you are not a frummie and would like more info on Hadaya jewelry check it out at One of a Kind Jewelry.)

K peeps, that's all I got for today. I hope you enjoyed me making fun of both myself and you.
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